Personal Baby Steps

The thought of terminating a pregnancy had always been unacceptable to me. There’s no excuse for it, I thought, and I would judge those people who go through it or even consider having it done. My convictions changed, however, when the time came that I was faced with the decision to do it or not. 

For the longest time, my hubby and I have been having trouble conceiving. And after close to two years of trying we were ecstatic when we finally received good news: We were finally pregnant! But the joy didn’t last when during my second trimester, the doctor diagnosed my baby with a serious birth defect that meant that my baby wouldn’t have a chance of surviving after birth. In the event that he does survive, he will only be with us for a few hours or days max. I also had a host of other medical conditions that would be further exacerbated by carrying on the pregnancy. 

During the same appointment, my gynae confirmed our worst fear. It may be safest to end the pregnancy. Owing to my weak health, my gynae advised us against going through with the pregnancy. Ultimately it was our decision, however, but we chose to follow the doctor’s advice. It was a highly difficult and painful moment, but we’re grateful to have Dr Ben Choey by our side. He explained to us that these things happen and it would’ve been beyond anybody’s control. There was nothing wrong that we did. Dr Ben really helped us process the situation rationally, while also giving us grace to grieve. 

It was also then when I realized that abortion procedures are perhaps more complex than I previously thought. I now sympathize a little more with women who’ve also had the procedure, regardless of their reason. On hindsight, we’re perhaps even privileged to have these services available to us. I imagine if I hadn’t been allowed to terminate this pregnancy, how my health – and life – may have been in danger; and the unfairness of carrying this baby to term, only for its life to end moments after.  

It took a while for me and my husband to really go back to our normal lives and mood after the abortion, but we had to trudge along until the emotional pain faded. On the bright side, my wonderful gynae continues to take good care of me, and keeps us (cautiously) optimistic that someday we will have our own family, and closely monitors my health. Currently we are just taking it slow and enjoying each other’s company, but we’re also hopeful for what the future may have for us.